


Universe Special Gift

by EXOL_Writer



Series: The Eve [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, F/M, Heartbreak, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-07-27 03:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16210808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EXOL_Writer/pseuds/EXOL_Writer
Summary: [Book 1 of The EVE series]"You were the girl hiding behind books and I was the boy with his head in the clouds. Now, the papers know your name and my head has since long reached the galaxy."***EXO-L, an ordinary teenager with quite unique tastes, meets EXO, the perfect combination of looks, talent, and charisma. The rest became history... Or so you thought.[A story inspired by 2017 EXO Winter Albums, Universe and Winter Special Gift.]Available on AFF and Wattpad





	1. Can You Feel Me

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter order:
> 
> 01\. Can You Feel Me
> 
> 02\. Christmas Love
> 
> 03\. Fall
> 
> 04\. Gift To XBack
> 
> 05\. Lights Out
> 
> 06\. Universe (Chinese version)
> 
> 07\. Been Through
> 
> 08\. Universe (Korean version)
> 
> 09\. Goodbye Christmas (Chinese version)
> 
> 10\. Goodbye Christmas (English version)
> 
> 11\. Stay
> 
> 12\. Goodnight

**EXOL POV**

EXO,

The sky stretches above in a faded blue, like a bright veil meant to hide away the dark clouds of my mind. The grass at my feet lightly graze the tip of my toes and I lose myself deeper into the music. It doesn't matter which day it is and what lies ahead because all I seem to ask myself is how it all started? How did Fate manage to bring the two of us together at that time and with what tricks? Was it a coincidence or simply a matter of luck? A mistake or a miracle? These answers never left my mind since that day at the bridge...

It seems like my memories fail me but really, it's been years by now. At first, it all felt too long and tiring; a rollercoaster that never stops, no matter what. But recently, I've been looking back at everything, from the pictures sealed under my bed to the messages I've never sent. My fingers trace the side of your face as I sit in the closet, the world loud outside. Someone calls my name, but it's nothing like the way your velvety voice shakes my heart. And I lose my breath as I fight the tears, knowing that the past can never be changed.

They stay deaf to my screams at night, when the shadows claw at my sanity. No one should ever know about it. Crazy, they once said and I believed them... But you know what? I can smile a little bit more these past days. This makes _it_ even more perfect...

Last Wednesday, I found myself snuggled into the couch, chin resting on the huge bunny that reminds me of you and half filled ice-creams cups on the floor. I had been crying again, the sobs muffled by the movie playing. And in my daze, I heard something along the line that when a butterfly flaps its wings, as insignificant as the act might seem, it can lead to a storm. How silly, right? I did think so too at first but the thought lingers in my mind. I think I believe it now... Be it a lie or not, right now, I want to believe that everything we have ever known, all the dreams we once shared and all of our love had a purpose. This sweet lie is what I need on this rainy day- I am convinced that there was indeed a reason for our two worlds to collide like that.

You know what? I can't exactly say when but I know that the very first time we met, I was immediately drawn to you... like a moth to a flame. What an irony, right?

Memories resemble the water that fills a lake, tainted by others and constantly losing a bit of itself. But at the end of the day, no matter how much time has gone by, it remains a lake. And to me, my time with you will always remain life-changing... There was something about that moment that made my heart clench and filled my gaze with sparks, submerging me in an emotion I had yet to discover. Was it the sight of you, your voice, the way you approached me or something else? Just another answer I cannot find... but the one thing I do know is that it did not take much to realize the instant connection between us. It had to be you, only you and no one else.

Our journey together had always been in the spotlight, the consequences simply changed after a while... I've learned to accept it.

There was nothing ever special about me. Just another face in the crowd, forgotten but for my short frame and naive self. I was told that my dreams would never come true, that good things never happened to people like me. So I kept my gaze on the ground as I walked and never thought much about what lied ahead. Yet another simple girl, meant to blend in the shadows, who had no idea what was coming her way. Do you smile at that? Well, me too.

When I say I was instantly drawn to you, I don't mean to inflate that ego of yours. Fine, you were attractive but not enough to have me glued to you. That one took a while to happen and we both know it. I have my own pride, after all!

Still, you were quite a sight in that shirt, smile like the silver glow of the moon while your name filled the room repeatedly. Curiosity forced me to stay and your voice led the way.

Your face boldly showed up in avant-garde style in the midst of the crowd, too beautiful to be real and too angelic to be ignored. Indeed, I had never met anyone like you before then... So I hesitantly made my way through the crowd and let myself be gently swayed. It was confusing; these warm bodies colliding with mine and the chaotic buzz in my ears. But your eyes were on me and mine were on you and, after a while, it wasn't so bad. So no surprise when the silent exchange of mutual interest led to a simple hello. At one point, you had managed to fill all of my senses so that, when you offered me your hand, I did not think twice. That was all it took; one single touch and I was blinded by the sight of you. Was it what they call love at first sight? On my part, I like to believe it was because my life has never been the same since that day. You pulled me to your world and mine somehow found color. And I still can't believe that I once stood by your side, you who are still so intriguingly out of this world. Fairy tales should not happen in real life, or so I've been told, but with you, the rules changed. And as long as it lasted, it was perfect and I would not exchange it for anything else.

Getting out of your grasp was the greatest pain I ever inflicted to myself. Not just because I knew the wound would never heal, but also because I knew how much it would hurt you. And nothing hurts more than seeing tears swimming in your gaze, knowing of the darkness that fills your heart. Because from the very start, I cared for you. And through experience, I can now tell that something was born within me at that first touch; something surpassing all of my expectations. And it would, as it grew, make it hard to pull out of your grasp. It all ended so fast-

How crazy was I, though? Who would have thought that, not so long after, I would choose you with all my heart, me believing you without really knowing why... It simply felt right and it still does. And because it does, now I feel so lost. _Not for long._

Tell me if I'm wrong but I only ever learned to stand for myself thanks to you. It was because you forced me to look at myself and told me that I was worthy of love, something no one ever did. You were there to wipe away my tears, holding me tight and telling me again and again that I was beautiful. I believed it...

Thank you. Those two words lack so much in showing the gratitude that I feel towards you, but I know no other way. And I hope that if you ever read this letter, you believe that I would have been lost If we had never met. I've learned so much because of you, even the meaning of sacrifice... Now that Life feels so grey and cold; I want to break free and be happy but I can't find the door to my cell. You are not there anymore to guide me with your light, to hold my hand and to give me enough courage. So you see; I have to do something about it. You understand, don't you?

They say I have matured but I know that since I lost you, my desire... Over time, as I stayed in your arms, I grew addicted to it all, enough for me to still hear you ask:

"Can you feel me?"


	2. Christmas Love

**EXO POV**

It is with great pain that I acknowledge the twinkling lights on the other side of the window, taking in the sea of people in the streets below. They move about like ants scavenging for food, the smile on their face without a doubt as bright as the twinkle in their eyes. Christmas has finally arrived, the dark night a little drunk if you ask me. I spent the whole day in bed, thinking of home and recalling the scent of curry which most probably fills mom's kitchen. I miss my parents and their endless chatter on this chaotic but special day, just like they still do in my memories. And my limbs felt weak as I laid down, hugging the blankets to my neck. In the silence of my room, I felt lonely and cold despite my expensively warm pajamas and socks. There was such a dull to the day that even playing with my phone quickly got easily boring, to the point that I had thrown it to the other side of the room. Everyone was posting about their time with their family, sharing pictures about them shopping or eating. But my manager lingered on the other side of the door, reminding me with his incessant steps that I had responsibilities. And despite knowing he was right, I struggled against the sleep. A pointless rebellion because I eventually dozed off on the floor.

The world has once again put on its winter coat. It's the same white scenery that you find in books, songs, movies or at your grandparents' place. It's familiar, in a nostalgic kind of way, leaving you breathless just from watching it. And I watched it all past satiation, cramped in the van and humming to the radio. The falling snowflakes seem to sparkle sadly, the lights of the festivities looking dimmer than in my memories. Soon enough will follow the tugs on my hair, the jabs at my face and the inexpressive glances. A cold world I chose to embrace years ago... but all of my concerns fades into the void when I heard your voice. That's when I felt my own heart come to life.

The dark sky that stretches between tomorrow and yesterday goes ignored when the door of the van is forced open. Immediately, a series of flash greet me and I would have gone blind if my manager had not tossed a pair of sunglasses my way. No time to slack as I am dragged out, the sound of your voice getting louder. It pounds at my temple but I don't mind, not when you have the brightest of smiles. It seems crazy but I'd rather hear your shouts than be alone with the silence. And the sound of my name on your lips soothes away the heavy beats of my erratic heart. It lasts no more than ten seconds, enough for the sleep to leave me. My eyes are wide as I greet the staff, hands tingling from the adrenaline. You're here though, albeit on the other side of the wall but still here. And that's all I need to know when the stylist grabs my shoulder.

It's a race against time, nothing I'm new too. But once it is all done, a new man stands in the mirror; a man far more perfect than me. There is a glint to his smoke-filled eyes, his every move graceful as he fixes the collar of his shirt. Smooth skin peeks beneath the buttons, enough to blur the lines between decency and provocation. It would not last long, my fingers working on the material in haste before slipping a black shirt on. It struggled against my black locks for a moment, those locks which are now stretched backward and flash red as the light bounce over them. Then my eyes fall lower, where the makeup artist is painting my lips pink. It's a short woman with the lower half of her face covered, trying her best to not meet my gaze. I sigh, knowing that my pleas will remain unheard no matter what.

Loneliness, a feeling I never thought would occupy my heart when I first seized my dream. After all, hadn't I worked for years just to be able to stand here? And yet, I never thought it would make me this lonely. That's why I have you, uri EXO-L! That's why your voice and smile is the first thing I seek as I blink through the lights. You see, my Christmas may not go as well as I wish for but since I have you, it is not my worse either. That's why I smile, brightly at that. It's because you being here makes it all worth it.

Once again I tell you to keep warm and be healthy, but I wonder if I can be like this. So much time in each other's company but it just never feels enough...You scream of your love for me, eyes sparkling as you chant my name. But, I don't really know if it will last and this scares me. Am I good enough? Was it okay to do that? Should I continue? The doubt is eating me raw even if the smile stays plastered on my face. And so I eventually say, "Let's stay together forever!"

But can I really keep you with me eternally?

 _Jingle, Jingle Bell_ , here we go again. A time of joy, the world says. On the streets, people hold each other's hands and their eyes glow with happiness. You know what, though? The only hand I want to keep holding, even when my voice will fail me in the old days, is yours. I can feel its warmth, long after you're gone and when the sheets feel rough. I'd toss on my bed recalling your smile, eyes skimming through the pictures of me that you've drawn. Is it a ridiculous dream to wish to take you to my world, to run away from everyone and just be with you? Do you dream of such a dream too? I dare not ask you.

Every day is a mystery but nothing can go wrong when you're by my side. Yesterday, today and every day, I shall sing a song for you, hoping that through the melody you can hear my heartbeats. Every _boom_ is for you, just like every thought is of you. Please let me hold your hand, always.

And so the night slips away in the blink of an eye, dragging with it every bit of energy that I have. My limbs ache quietly, my throat itchy after all the shouting we've done tonight. I presume it is the same with you, your face flustered red and glistening with sweat. I allow myself to carve the sight in my mind, reminding myself that this is what I worked so hard for. And your smile catches me off guard, softening my heart. You're so beautiful and I hope you know it.

Maybe I'm in love, I muse on the way back. The latest album plays in the background, songs that only reached your ears a couple of weeks ago. My gift to you, which I hope you've realized. A pair of slacks and an overworn hoodie on, I am no longer the man of your dreams. I only share his name and his face, chin hiding behind my raised knees while the awake city fades away. It's been a long while but I guess that did not really matter. My emotions are unjustified since I may have you, but you remain out of reach. I replay our memories, mostly the recent ones, and the cold doesn't bother me that much anymore.

Christmas Love, indeed. The same scene that I've been seeing endlessly, for as long as I've lived. And yet, the warmth in my chest pushes away the darkness that crawls at my feet. I may have fallen in love with the thought of you, innocence and wit wrapped in inner beauty. Your devotion to me, I admit that I don't understand it. Still, I may have grown a little bit used to it all... The world I chose is cold and lonely, but it led me to you. And I think I would walk that path all over again if you were my destination. Yeah, I must be in love to have such thoughts, though I can only wish you would give me a chance.

There are so many things about this world that you don't know. There is so much I wish to protect you from, but I can't let you know. Time is wearing out though and I become greedy. I miss home, the one that no one knows about. I miss the past, so bright and calm, that I relive in my dreams. Unspoken truths in the way that I stare at you, webs of a lie I hope you never find. A cold world indeed until your eyes open up... But I once said goodbye, knowing that you would come back, so the hope still dwells in my heart. Maybe I'm love and maybe I am not... How to reply with sealed lips?


	3. Fall

**EXO-L POV**

It doesn't make any sense. Everything I feel for you really makes no sense and yet, here I am, lost in your path like a foolish prey. I pat my cheeks in front of the mirror, telling myself that it would all pass. But, in my head, that little voice points out again that the weeks have been piling up and I'm still stuck with this constant desire to see you. Why is it so difficult for my heart to stay calm with you near? I feel completely immersed in you, to the point where I can't even breathe. It's not that easy baby when you captivate me with your soft gestures and that pearly smile.

It baffles me how I got myself entangled so easily, lost in your world within minutes, struggling to not drown in the thoughts of you. This is not me, I repeat to myself every day, but it does not sound true at all.

All I have ever known and loved fades as I take your hand. To me, the world is insignificant if you are not there to help it shine. That's why I keep losing track of time in your arms.

Was I ever happy before? I can't seem to recall my past and my friends keep telling me that I've changed. What potion have you been giving me every time we meet? No, it's not that easy baby to spend a day without you. Oh, no! What is this emotion that always fills me whenever you're around? And why do I feel lonely every time we say goodbye?

All those sleepless nights, laying in bed and picturing your face... _Can you hold me longer today? Give me enough time to say this to you_. If I don't let it all out today, the words might never leave my heart.

 

 No other way but to fall, fall, fall for you.  Your eyes just make me fall, fall- I'm falling deeper.  An endless path filled with you. Nothing else feels truer.  Fall, fall. Yeah, I fall...

Randomly at times, weird thoughts have my heart racing... Are you alright? Are you happy? Are you thinking about me?

I fear more for you than for myself but do you realize it as we talk on the way back from school. Since our fingers are intertwined, I wonder if you can hear the sobs of my heart. Hearing your voice in the morning, knowing that you're still here for me, brings me relief but you probably never noticed. At this point, I can't even call you mine and yet, that's exactly how I'm acting.

Why are you always so far away? Even as you look into my eyes, can I be sure that you really are with me? We don't spend more time together than we did at the start but can I be selfish and ask you to hug me for the longest of times before leaving.

I pause, hands shaking like a leaf as I wrap the scarf around my neck. _I am not cute. I can't even be called pretty_. Just like this, doubt crawls in. I sigh, staring at my reflection. The red dress flowing down stops at my knees. My aunt gave it to me, to revive the spirit of those festivities or at least attempt it. But my mind is far from being concerned with big old Santa and colorful trees, even less about fake talks around chicken. I wrap my fingers around the necklace hanging over my chest. Nothing special about it but the  _EXO_ at the end. To some, it looks like a waste of money but, in my hand, it weights more than just a few dollars; it carries the weight of over four million stars. It is the promise of a universe.

There are better ways for me to spend this time but, as always, my wishes come second to last. Later, I tell myself, knowing that I have no choice. My mind is already made up, my heart pounding against my ribs in agreement. All I have to do is act upon it for once and not be a coward...

Life is not easy and at times, I feel like giving up. But where all have failed, you managed to bring me up and make me stand on my feet again. When you say, "We are one." with that bright smile of yours, I do feel like I'm not alone and it gets easier to smile.

An eternity passes by before I regain the safety of your arms. Waiting always, your smile is bright no matter what. To me, it's the biggest source of comfort that I can get as the tears insist on falling. But there you are, amidst all the snow and the cacophony of carols from outside. You sneaked in through my window once again, completely invisible like the shadows. But I don't need to fight anymore, not when you breathe down my neck as I tighten my fists around your coat. The little circles you rub over my arms slowly ease the goosebumps away and I press my ear to your chest, listening to your heart beats.

It's fine, it silently says, and I believe it. There is no need to worry about time slipping away. With you, oh words can't describe what I feel...

 

 How can I just not fall, fall, fall for you?  My heart keeps saying to fall, fall- I'm falling deeper.  An endless path filled with you. Nothing else feels truer.  Fall, fall. Yeah, I fall.

Yes, I fall, fall for you because there is no reason not to. Everything feels so right whenever I'm with you. Just take my hand and don't let go, no matter what may happen. Since you've been here, my life has gotten bright. Can I really love you, with all my heart, trust you and believe you? Do I really not have to be scared? I'm tired of everything, of the lies and the glares. Just let me rest here for a while. Hide me from the world, please...

I don't know how long we stay like this but it really is not enough. I can't deny it anymore; I need you, even if I can't completely have you. Let me be yours, please. Lie to me and tell me that you will always protect me, even if we both know it's a lie...

"EXO, I want to become your EXOL."


	4. Gift To XBack

**EXO POV**

"Good work everyone! We can finally roll up! You all better get some rest until Monday and-" I hear the producer shout outside my cabin. The ruckus only gets louder as the staff and my colleagues regroup themselves to spend the morning together. They are probably going to be-

"EXO, wanna go out for a drink?"

Exactly as I had thought. Who can blame them though? We all have been working nonstop for the last thirteen hours and the past two weeks have been really loaded, especially for the staff who have even been sleeping on set. To release all that pent-up stress is probably what we all need at the moment but I have something entirely different in mind.

"No!" I shout back as I pop open a cold water bottle and gulp down the liquid. My back is aching and I know that underneath all the makeup, there are bags under my eyes. A couple of drinks would probably help me get my much-needed sleep but today, I would have to use something else.

"Okay," they call back. Who is that? I can't really tell. Shin, Tae, Chow... does it even matter?

I pick up my jacket and keys, loosening my tie, and make my way to the exit. People are walking in every direction, yawning loudly as they head towards their vehicles.

"EXO!" I hear my manager shout, just as I stop in front of a passing mirror. My eyes take in the sight of the worn out dude who reflects back at me. He looks like he needs to camp in his bed for months. But we all know though that this won't be happening any time soon. "You're heading back to the dorm?"

"Yeah!" I say over my shoulder, picking up an abandoned cap and fixing it over my head. It might already be around three am but you can never know with the press. I really ain't in the mood to deal with them right now.

"Okay. I'll bring the car!"

He doesn't give me time to argue, not that I would be able to have my way. It's ironical but the great EXO, as you so often say EXO-L, ain't as free as the rest of the world. So, pouting, I drag my feet to the back door and wait.

It is pitch black outside and there are barely any stars, not that I was expecting any in this big city. I can't even remember when was the last time I looked up and was amazed by their sight. They are out there though, right? Someone said, in a movie I think, that just because we can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there, somewhere. It reminds me of you...

The car pulls up in front of me and I waste no time to jump in. As we drive through the still awake city, I take out my phone. Time to check the messages you left today too, even if it's been a while since I've said hi. A ridiculous smile stretches itself across my face when I read the first ones.

"Oppa, stay healthy!"

"Fighting, Oppa!"

"Saranghae Oppa!"

These are the most common messages but I really like it all. Simple words that remind me every day that you are there. That is all that I really need but you never cease to surprise me with your poetic skills.

I shift between SNS to see what you have been up to today. I can never be sure with you, EXO-L. The way you shift between being a soft stan and a hard stan might give a whiplash someday. But if I might say, you're actually quite funny especially since you still think I don't know about it. 

"He protects but he also attacks!" I see above two pictures of me. One is of me at the concert with a crown of flowers waving at you while the other is of me dancing at one of the recent music shows. I scroll lower and four pictures of me dancing appear again. There are barely any differences in them; just a wider smile or a hand lower but I know that I would find it all in your phone. Why do you save all of this? You must really be missing me.

"We're here." says the manager, pulling open my door. I did not even realize that we had arrived. Silly, me who always gets distracted by you...

It takes about five minutes to get to my room. But since everyone else is sleeping, I lock up my door and jump on the bed. You might be sleeping and you might not be. I don't know for sure but I really want to talk to you. That's a good enough reason, I tell myself as I turn on the app.

This is one of the best parts; watching you come online, the figures increasing at the speed of lightning. The comments pour in rather quickly as well. I chuckle, removing my shirt. It's pretty hot here but I make sure you don't see everything. Don't want you to be fainting on me now, do we?

"OMG, did he just remove his shirt!!!! I missed this???" is the first thing I see when I pick up my phone again. That's exactly what I meant.

"Life is about timing," I reply, hiding my smile by adjusting the pillows behind me. This might be quick or not but either way, for me, it would not be enough.

"Oppa, say hi to-"

Just like that, we end up talking for almost an hour. I'd probably get lectured when I get up for not informing anyone about this. Well, I ain't doing anything wrong...

"EXO-L, I was shooting for that movie yesterday. You know, the one that will come out next year. Can you guess the name?"

The answer comes up, flooding my screen, while hearts fill up as well. Of course, EXO-L already knows the answer. EXO-L always knows everything! Except, of course, what I don't want her to know...

"You are so intelligent, Erie-yah!"

I can unfortunately not catch up with everything you say but I do try my best. Most are messages of you saying you love me. A few are about what happened to you during the day or week. For example, about an exam you just had or what you ate for dinner. I like the simplicity of our conversation as if there is only the two of us.

"I'm skipping family dinner for this." I read and my smile withers slightly. It's not always easy to deal with things like this; I know how much you love me but I don't want you to set aside anything just for my sake. But if I say anything, you might tell me that it's because I make you happier than anyone else. This is complicated and I don't think I have the right to add my opinion. Your happiness should come before anything else and I can't make myself ruin it like this...

I can't be weak in front of you. So as skillfully as I can, I shift the conversation to something else and the avalanche of hearts and kiss emojis invade my screen all over again. Erie-yah, you are always so energetic!

Some moments later, I decide to bid my farewell. I don't want to and, clearly, you neither but that's just the right thing to do.

"No, oppa! Don't go!"

"But I have to wake up early, EXO-L!"

"Okay then... Sleep well, Oppa! Good night!"

"Will you dream of me tonight, EXO-L?"

"Yes, Oppa! Will you dream of me?"

"Of who else can I dream?"

I know you are smiling when I turn off the lamp and pull the bedsheets up. I feel more at peace now because of it. Am I selfish to randomly ask for your presence like this? The guilt fades away when I think about you being happy.

Sometimes it's good to say goodbye because I know I'll be greeting you again soon. You are the one love that is always with me, accompanying me through everything thing. The diary beside my bed knows it well for I always share with it the sorrow of not being with you.

I close my eyes but sleep won't come yet. EXO-L, tell me, will you always be by my side? I wanna know how long until the deadline, how long until this time becomes a mere memory? Will you still laugh at my so not funny jokes tomorrow? Will you still find me handsome enough?

What a silly promise to ask of you! But if you stay with me forever, I know I will be able to fly higher and farther. Because EXO-L, you are the source of my motivation, you are always my everything... 


	5. Lights Out (Part 1)

**EXO-L POV**

Rain came pouring in again, unexpected. It brought with it the wind and thunder but all it left behind was the shell of my soul. Why do I still get surprised, I ask myself as the cold pulls me to it like an old friend.

The white dress I am wearing covers me like a second layer of skin but I feel naked, naked and fragile in front of the world. Maybe if I don't move, it will forget about me.

The ground is hard against my back and as my fingers bury themselves into the mud, I find myself unable to move. Is it holding me down or is my lack of hope the culprit? How long will it last this time? Probably longer, longer than the previous times.

Every drop of rain falls down on me, a curtain of bullets leaving no place to hide. And each one of them buries itself deep until I can't really tell where they are. With each cut comes a new pain, a new fear. With each shot of pain comes a new reason to stay down.

"It's gonna pass," I tell myself, not really believing it. Because how long will it take for everything to come back? What if it never stops?

Somewhere, at the back of my mind, like a little mouse coming out of its hiding, a thought appears. The hair at the back of my neck straightens, on alert, for it is the first time this thought has ever slipped in. It crawls out, timidly at first, before completely drowning me into a swirl of mixed emotions. I'm confused, relieved, pained, tensed, anxious, filled with guilt... But mostly, scared.

_You know how to end this. You know you do._

The words fall on me like buildings crashing down and they flatten all sense of rationality. I'm scared because if such thoughts have invaded my mind, everything must be lost. If deep down I've started to agree with what the voices say, no hope must be left... am I really stuck?

I feel like crying but the tears won't come. Why would they when I don't even know what I'm actually crying for? Am I sad for being trapped or have I grown acquainted to the dark? Am I happy that I have finally found a way out or am I scared of taking that way? What should I do?

All of a sudden, amidst all the ruckus of the crying sky, I hear a familiar roar. Curiosity and surprise give me enough strength to pull myself half up but around me is nothing. It is too dark for me to make out any shape nor are there any star to reassure me. My mind tells me that the world expands itself infinitely all around but my eyes tell me that I am caged like a bird. I'm too scared to look for the truth... But the roar; it seems to be calling out to me. It intrigues me, stirring a totally new emotion.

"Hello?" I called out hesitantly, forcing myself to stand up. "Is anybody there?"

The two sticks that I usually use as feet feel like noodles as they shake underneath me. Is it because of exhaustion or fear? I don't know but I don't like it at all either.

Halfway through my physical struggle, I'm blinded by an intense flash of white light that urges a scream out of me. I turn my back to it completely, eyes on fire. But a few blinks later, I can finally see again.

A muddy road stretches itself ahead of me, disappearing into more darkness. From where I am, I can see tall bare trees and a couple of puddles which tell me that I am literally in the middle of nowhere. How did I end up there?

The light dims considerably and I dare myself to take a hundred and eighty turn once more. But what I see through the gaps of my fingers actually shocks me; a couple of meters ahead there is a white car that I do not recognize. The inside of it is lit up as well and I make out four silhouettes. But the condensed glass makes it hard to see more details other than the color of the people's outfits. The driver is in white and so is the passenger... or is he wearing cream? I can't really tell from where I am. At the back, they wear darker tones; one is in orange and the other is in black. All four of them seem to have their attention completely fixed on me because I don't see them move at all.

As the seconds stretch, my feelings of fear redouble. This time, it is not of the pain that I am scared of but, rather, this unexpected company. I want to ask them for help but they seem interested in watching me only and not in helping. Will they reach out their hands if I reach mine first?

Doubt never leaves me as I raise my other hand and take a step towards them. How should I act? What shall I say? It is all so confusing!

"Hi, I'm EXO-L," I say, my voice cracking slightly. "Can you help me out of here, please?"

The car roars louder in response, nearly making me jump out of my skin. But I tell myself not to despair when I finally see the driver move.

My eyes follow the arm that shoots outside, holding a rectangular sheet of cardboard that I know all too well. The sight of it has me gulping in fear but I can't seem to uproot my feet. It all becomes clear to me now and I know what I have to do; run. But my legs wouldn't move an inch no matter how much a part of me would be screaming in my head.

The piece of cardboard is thrown carelessly to the sky, where it lets itself be carried away by the wind. While my gaze never leaves it, my mind is suddenly filled with the roaring of the engine, which seems to be increasing in volume more and more. I think nothing of it though; as if I was entranced, shall I say. I watch as the cardboard moves right then down, followed by left and up again, swirling above my head. And then, it is falling right in front of me. It falls and falls, disappearing in the flash of light. There is nowhere to run nor any time to do so as it engulfs me in its embrace, only letting me close my eyes in preparation.

My last thought as I wait for the impact is about how I wished I had held tighter onto that piece of cardboard, that image of us that I wanted to protect at all cost... with all my heart.


	6. Lights Out (Part 2)

**EXO POV**

Do you remember those days of complete carelessness, when we couldn't take our eyes off of the other without a hole taking shape in our chest? The autumn wind blowing in your silky hair and that laugh of yours floating towards the candy-colored horizon as we first started to scribble down our memories. Deep inside, it all felt too surreal for me; from the warmth of your hands to those sparkling eyes, drowning me deep in ecstasy. Two souls budding from different branches of the same baby tree only to be carried towards the same future by the same wind. They cursed our generation but that was why we could embrace each other like Lego pieces.

Does it ever cross your mind how silly we looked with our matching shirts, screaming at the night sky? Not a day goes by without me remembering the soft glow of the moon reflecting on your earrings, the first night we sealed away our victory with hungry lips. The radiance of your face only glows more in my memories, locking me in the endless labyrinth of my dreams. And that mesmerizing voice of yours has me running away from the exit; we both know that time only tightens the ropes you have around me.

I push open the little windows giving onto that road only you and I know. The sight welcomes me with puffs of dust and coffee stains on a Saturday afternoon at the bottom of my bed. By now, the pillows and sheets have lost your scent and warmth. So at night, I find myself holding onto the red scarf you left in my car, the one I gave you for Christmas. It was a time when you would swirl under the moonlight, capturing me with a perfect smile. Now, all I know are your red eyes and pale skin. Even your touch, to which I would wake up in the morning, is a distant memory... The night slips away with me dreaming of your fingers on my face, just like in the old good days.

My mind is filled with memories of our little fights over cookies and our silly competitions at the karaoke club. They follow me around instead of my shadow and suddenly, when I least expect it, _bang.._. Don't you see that band-aids won't cure this type of wound, babe?

So here we are again, back pressed against the same door but facing different Norths. When we lost each other on the way, I don't know. I just wish that I would finally reach the end of the road, the one leading to you.

This time again, we parted ways with the bathroom door closing on me, fully knowing that sunrise might come before you decide to step out again. One day, I dread it, the door will be closed forever and I don't think I have the key to barge in...

You tell me you don't want to see me but your nails were buried in my arms as I held the doorknob. I'm tired of all the lies you tell me and mostly, yourself. Quit saying that you're okay, that it will pass on its own because the weeks have been piling up on the calendar. Let me help you, will you!

You and I trail at our feet a reputation too heavy with past crimes, the type that can't be denied. The little kids on the yellowed polaroids we hide look nothing like the lifeless mass of bones and flesh that stare back in the mirror. You were the girl hiding behind books and I was the boy with his head in the clouds. Now, pages carry your name and my head has since long reached the galaxy. Rumors and stress bury us neck-deep on a daily basis, for the drama can't get enough of our names. We fight on a battlefield for a war that never dies. But I remember you telling me that we'd face it all with our heads held high. You believed it all along babe so why do I now see your eyes cast down...

The world has quietened outside but my ears are still filled with your sobs. I know how hard breathing is as you fight away the persistent tears. Hide into me though, I promise we can make it all pass away.

Instead, we sit on the cold hard floor, wishing we could feel the other's warmth. Honestly, I miss the times when you would laugh at my jokes, even those that were not funny. I recall the times you would look at me with eyes as bright as the morning star, making me feel like the luckiest man on earth... Where are the evenings when we would sing at the top of our lungs, dancing in the kitchen while the food burned away? When will I hear you say my name again, seducing me in the middle of a round of scrabble?

Now, I cannot reach you from where we stand. This absence of yours, whenever you look into my eyes, is far more unbearable than all the pain I've ever felt before... It feels crueler than all the deceptions I've ever had.

"EXO-L?"

Behind that door, you pretend like you don't hear me but I know it's a lie. What have I done to deserve that you no longer let people know that you belong to me? Can I still call myself King of your heart? Tell me, I beg through my tears, but the actual words never make it past my lips.

"Baby, let me in... Please."

Silence greets me long enough for me to forget what I had even asked you. But eventually, the door cracks open and you crawl towards me. Your hesitant hug breaks my heart because I can't understand what has made everything suddenly change. Why are you crying in my arms this time? Why wouldn't you tell me?

As much as I'm dying to know, I force my lips closed, in fear that you might push me back again. So my hand goes up and down your cold arm, and my chin rests on your head. There is nothing more I can do but hum away the pain as you shiver in my arms.

"It's okay," I say quietly, once your breathing has evened out. "Morning will come again so you can dream in my arms. Let me turn off the light today..."

You don't reply but the way you bury your head in my chest lets me know that you heard. This moment brings some relief and makes me want to hold on forever. But how long will it last? I bury the moment in my brain, fearing that the next time I'd have this chance may never come.

"I am here, EXO-L. You can forget everything."


	7. Universe(Chinese version)

**EXO-L POV**

Back pressed against the back seat of an old rusty taxi, we sit as far from each other as possible. Neon lights from the city of madness, silhouettes of walking matchsticks and a cacophony of horns; behind the foggy windows, I think I just turned our love story into a tragedy.

We suck in each other's scent in unmatched breaths, driving ourselves crazy with the silence. Unspoken words that slowly strangle all emotions, leaving behind rage and passion pulsing in your veins. But our love is of the crazy kind; my messed up hair and your hand on my thigh foretell the end of the night.

In this world, people fall in love in coffee shops and in parks. They carry their stories like acts of courage, showcasing the purest of all emotions like a trophy. And when too much dust collects on it, they strut to another coffee shop, weave another story and turn it into another trophy... But baby, our love took birth like Autumn; with the goodbye of a season, falling leaves and flipping pages. It was slow and precise, a cut deep enough to last through the afterlife. It's never been a piece of accessory for the world to see but rather an evening primrose shyly blooming away from the sun's eyes.

From the corner of my eye, your perfectly sculpted face illuminates. There is nothing more beautiful than your eyes looking into mine with your hand in my hair, turning us into living art. The colors of your childhood, smooth and nostalgic like poetry, painted my world when mine had yet to end. Now we share the same memories of the grownup days, the kind that turns cheeks red and dreams w-

The car pulls to a stop at the red light. Outside, snowflakes fill the whole scene with magic. Yes, we've had a lot of winters in our quest for peace... and I'm probably the only one who has yet to feel the heat of the summer. I agree that I've stubbornly surpassed all limits, testing you over and over again. And now that the results are not too good, I admit that I hide behind illusions. But if you face me long enough, maybe you'll hear the voices too... or see the shadows creeping behind your back.

In your mind, something tells you that things are not as they seem but you wouldn't see the truth even if it was right in front of you. To you, my smile means everything's fine and like the others, you don't question the midnight trips to the basement or the empty bottles under the bed. You're not there most of the time so I don't have to worry about you finding out all the horrible things I've done. In your eyes, we live a fairytale that will last no matter what. But oppa, even in fairy tales, there is an _end_. How will you bear it when it slaps you across the face or knocks the wind out of your lungs? Will you lose your faith in happiness and love? Or will you find it in a bar, on a Saturday night, and lead it to your bed?

Your hand moves up, fingers gently brushing skin as if you were painting a masterpiece. The cold has nothing to do with the goosebumps or the light tremble of my lips. No, you're the type of god who doesn't need spells and potions to lure me in. One of your smiles will be convincing enough for me to go against an army. But even if I can see that it is you who is touching me, honey, all I feel is cold fire. It gently brushes the feathers of my demon's wings and baby, fire is what hell's pets feed on.

"You're mine, EXO-L." you whisper to my lips, the faintest kiss and the most intense of ecstasy.

Your eyes glow with lust and passion. But if one would pay close enough attention, they would see the flames of affection and concern in your heart, flames that bear my name. I made you weak, the idolized devil hidden behind angelic features, whose face only appears in prestigious magazines. They call out your name, hoping to get your attention, but wherever you go and whoever you meet, we all know that I'm the one you always return to. Have you ever thought about me being gone?

"What if I disappear?"

Your gaze grows cold and your face reminds me of the ocean's depths. I'm adding fuel to the sparks, aware that these moments will walk with you on rainy days. Because I know, I know that I will stubbornly refuse to ask you to stay to share my darkness. Instead, I will strip you of your smile and watch the fire disappear.

You see, I'm already no longer myself. From the six-inch heels and overly powdered face, none of it is who I really feel in the inside. The smile on my face, behind a cluttered desk, is one hiding several tears that you'll never know of. You think I'm fine, better even, because I've stopped crying every time you come home. The truth is it never occurred to you that tears don't always come from flooding eyes.

But even if I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore, you are the reason I'm happy. With you, there is no reason to plead for the sun's rays or the moon's glow. All I have to do is ignore the dark clouds that patiently wait in the background. But I'd rather be submerged in darkness than let you lose your brightness.

"I'll search the universe until I can finally touch you again... To cradle you against my chest, that alone is worth waiting forever for... The world will only show color again when you return..."

The words resonate at the back of my head as we merge in more than one way. Are they really your own or am I making this up? We share the same dreams and hopes, the only problem is that you have yet to give up on them. One day, you will realize that I only exist in this little planet lights away from Earth, floating on my own, without leaving a single trace and when I'm gone, it will be as if I was never even there...

But I hesitate as we stumble out of the car. Your hand is on my waist and the scent of your cologne engulfs me; things so familiar to my soul that I could track you in any crowd. These little treasures make me rethink my decision; I guess it's because I'm still scared. After all, who will I embrace at night if I lose all traces of you tomorrow? I can't imagine anyone else to count the stars with when the weight of life pushes the need to sleep away. Crazy since I love you, I wonder if I can be selfish and stay. But it's because of such thoughts that the seasons have lingered behind while we were trying to collect ourselves. Yes, we fight but I know that the type of sword my tongue is has left you bleeding on the way to the airport. You may hide it as best as you can but I will still feel the scars from all the times I've pushed you away...

I watch your reflection as you pull out your purse to pay the impatient driver. In your arms, I feel safe but this sense of security disappears once I catch sight of our reflection on the window. I don't remember smiling but there are my lips, stretched out from ear to ear. And my eyes are viciously tainted with carmine swirls... bloodthirsty, to me. I wonder why. But then you bend slightly, to take a closer look at the guy and I take note of my arm stretched out behind you, a knife at the end of it. The blade has my own reflection as if it was merely just an extension of myself. And I watch, unable to react, as it strikes down, rippling a gut-churning scream out of you. The jet of blood that splashes around, glowing like a thin rain of ruby, and the taxi driver is looking at me, horror carved on his face. I watch the blood pool around you, your confused eyes accusing me as they struggle to stay open. Shall I run? Shall I stay? Shall I-

"Babe, let's get in now!" I hear you say but your voice is, against all expectation, a low murmur to my earlobe. You pull me away but I can't shake off the image. Only a question remains as my bare back hits the white sheets, "How long until it finally happens?"

***

Dear lover, who never leaves my mind.    
You might not believe it but I swear I've tried.    
Thank you for accepting this girl, the selfish kind,    
And forgive me if tomorrow I'm not by your side.


	8. Been Through

[Real life events have been used in this chapter only for entertainment purposes.]

**EXO-L POV**

A certain memory comes to mind as I walk past the flower shop, the one beside the market place. It's been a while now since I've started to use this road to go to work, some faces even becoming familiar under the scorching sun, but I don't feel at home yet. A lot has changed in such a short time that I feel like I'll never get used to the place but what should have really changed, never did.

I pass by the flower shop every day, breathing in the enticing scent of roses and daisies and... Yeah, I'm still not that good at flower names, at least those you've never used in your videos. But the outburst of colors never fails to remind me of you. The yellow ones remind me of what used to be my sun; your smile. Little blue buds timidly hiding among large leaves remind me of our tears that one time we decided to watch a sad movie. You were starring in it, which made things even worse... didn't it? The color red reminds me of your cheeks, blushing at the sight of me, or your hug that one time we lost a battle. And in purple, I find your laughter. Because it was the color you wore as you asked me to  _love you right_... White reminds me of winter, the coldest time of the year but the warmest days of my life, thanks to you.

And so, I find myself rooted in front of the window, smiling in grief at the memory of you. But I'm still not fine when I walk away, pushing past the loud crowd.

Do you remember the day you took me to your place of work? When I met your friends, the one you call your family? The smile on your face was genuine as you shook hands and patted backs, pride in your eyes as you presented me to everyone.

"So that's, EXO-L?" I remember SHINEE asking with a smile on his face. But I also recall the pride on your face as I felt your hand on my back, nodding a yes in response.

"Took you two years to finally make her your girlfriend?" popped in NCT, to which you jokingly smacked his arm. "The old ones surely take their time, huh."

"Don't mock your elders." you scolded him, "Especially when you don't even have a girlfriend yet."

"Kids, don't fight," interjected Super Junior and I immediately recognized the respect you all had for him. "Nice to meet you, EXO-L."

"We should hang out sometime," suggested Red Velvet, winking at me. Her melodic voice filled the room as she pulled me to her. "You can't always spend time with boys."

"We're here too," commented Girl's Generation, pointing at herself and F(X).

In one place was gathered all the people you admired and loved. To be present then and there... it was really one of the best feelings in the world. I felt like I belonged there, with you and your friends. So I hanged out with them too, learned to understand you in a different angle and somehow managed to fall more in love... Now, I've lost it all.

"I heard about... Eri."

The word forces me to a stop and I turn to the little girl enjoying an ice-cream with her friends. What she meant was  _fairy_  but my heart does not calm down.

**_My Eri! This is just one among the many nicknames for EXO-L so you can use the one you like the best!! ><_ **

**_Because either way, EXO-L belongs to EXO._ **

This text message still exists somewhere on my old phone. Dust now covers the cracked screen and I've since long removed the batteries,  but the words have not left my heart...

You like giving me nicknames but  _Eri_  was the one you used the most. It always made me feel at home, somehow. It was the one you would use whenever we had a small fight or when you were trying to convince me...

 **"I'm _Oppa_ and you're  _Eri_!" ** I remember you saying the first time we officially went out together. It was your way to make me feel at ease because you knew how hard it was to adjust. You knew how scared I was of everyone's reaction but your hand in mine made all the worry fade away.  **"Let's have a good relationship for a long long time! Yeah-ry!!"**

And we did have a good relationship for as long as it lasted. It was one so good that I still feel your touch and the warmth of your breath, hear your voice and the beats of your heart and see your smile and twinkling eyes. It was not always a matter of love, because, at times, you were the closest of friends or the strongest of protectors. Definitely boyfriend material but, at the same time, so much more.

I take a bite from my sandwich as I wait for the train. Here, the days seem longer despite going faster. I rush about, left and right, but I guess it's not that bad of a thing. It helps me keep a low profile, to be this busy and alone. But I do wonder at times whether I've already been forgotten.

_**"EXO-L miss you."** _

So do I... so freaking much!

I miss your random calls in the middle of the night, with nothing to talk about but your dinner and schedule, or the games that you've played. I miss the pictures you would send of the places you've been to as if to say that you still remember me while you're away. I miss the  _"Thank you, EXO-L."_ whenever you would win an award. And as you cried EXO, so would I.

**"Why did you flirt with me when you danced to Artificial Love?"**

Do you recall that day? Because I still remember and it makes me laugh in the middle of the night.

**"Can I ask something too? Why did you fall for it?"**

You were always such a flirt at the most unexpected times and I must admit, my heart hated you for it. But now those words resonate in my mind like an echo of your absence, making me wonder if I can actually endure it all.

But I come to my senses, stand up and brush it all off. I tell myself that I'll be used to it all just like I did the day before and those that have followed my departure. It's like a cold that I fight every single day, aware that at some point the fever would go down. Even if it takes a second or a century, somehow it will pass. And above this grey sky, I know that there is a bright light waiting to shine upon me.

No, this is not the dark days or the end of the road... I know that I've been through worse and that the worst is yet to come. The nightmare will pull through, somehow.

_"You're so delusional."_

_"Worthless."_

_"Oh gosh, how can you spend so much on a guy like that? And he is barely even there for you..."_

_"You need a real life. And I mean one without you stalking some guy around."_

_"Oh, she's just crazy. Don't pay attention to her; we've given up a long time ago."_

_"How can she be so annoying?"_

_"EXO here, EXO there! Is that all your vocabulary is made up of?"_

Dark clouds come and go, bringing the rain or the cold. But you shine like the stars amidst every single thing. Nothing can take away who you are and what you've been, even when I'm gone. And as long as you can keep that glow to face this cold, dark world, I know that I can pass through as well. Just stay as you are, still like the air, and shine upon me from afar. Because as long as you can't see my tears, I know that you'll be able to turn your back on what we've been through.


	9. Universe(Korean version)

[Real life events have been used in this chapter only for entertainment purposes.]

**EXO POV**

All it took was a day for me to crumble to pieces, all because of you. Yesterday, I felt strong and tall, invincible even in my clothes of silk and gold. Today, I feel cold and lonely in the darkness of my room, ignoring the pleas of the world. I have duties and I know it, but what's the use if you're not there at the end of the day?

How did it end up like this? Where was I wrong? Can't you give me one last chance? Just let me change, please. I'll do anything just to get you back.

I know that sometimes I say hurtful things, that I lie about how I really feel and make it hard for you. But I was having a hard time too, you know. It all felt too overwhelming so I took one glance away. But when I looked back, you were gone... And I know that I've made promises to you, to myself and to the us that should have lived in the old days. But nothing is as it should be; nothing is better.

**"EXO, you are so damn cute I could die already!!!"**

**"May you rest in peace."**

I have always loved our little interactions, the way your cheeks would turn pink whenever I would mess with you. Will I ever get to see that again? I don't want to think about the worse, no.

Do you really expect me to forget all about you, just like that? How can I get rid of the thoughts of you, the only ones that have ever mattered? Your smile, your laugh, your cute reactions at everything I do... These emotions can't be broken with a snap of fingers. I feel it all, painfully, and it sweeps over me till I've overdosed.

In you, there is all that has to be and that is why I need you. You hurt me with your hand but you also heal me with it. Scarred by your voice as we fight beside the fireplace, I know that it's that very voice that makes me feel completely fine despite all the problems. And with you, I both cry and laugh but I don't mind as long as I don't feel alone. You make me question every single thing, from my past to the unknown future, but all I have to do is look into your eyes to find the answers. In you, there is my whole world so if it ever comes to disappear, I shall cease to exist too.

I turn my head to your side of the bed, where the sheets are cold and the pillow rests without a single crease. There was a time when you would be there, lightly snoring from exhaustion. My hand around your waist and your scent on my clothes, this was a sight I would smile to in the mornings. And the nights when we would cozily embrace each other, talking about nothing and everything, how to forget about those? We would dream of the tomorrows but I never knew that you were making plans without me.

I wish that amnesia would seize me in my sleep so that I would not be this miserable once my eyes would open. I would forget about the stupid little things like the sweetness of your lips or the way my heart would flutter all because of you. I would no longer cry the moment I get home; gone would be the pictures of us on the walls or the times when I would just stand there and watch you dance to my songs. Maybe then I would be at peace...

But I don't truly want to forget about you. It would be like erasing the most important aspects of my life, rendering me worthless and weak. I still want to smile thinking about you and dwell in the pain that your absence brings.

I want the countless nights when I held what is mine to stay fresh in my mind. Because on those nights, there was only you and I and nothing else. Our fingers intertwined and your voice ringing in my ears, sweet memories that I need as I wait. Wherever it may be, I will find you.

I think about the days when you would scar me as yours, your nails biting my skin as your fiery eyes looked into mine. The traces of it all has since long disappeared but it is still here, in my mind. And it will stay there until I can touch you again.

I won't let go of even the slightest memory, no matter how long until we meet again. And when we do, you ain't leaving again... ever.

Eri-ya, _I'll search the universe until I find you again_. I don't know why you're gone or how I shall find you, but what I know is that _this_ is not meant to be. Your real place is in my arms and mine is in yours. So just like the memories of us come back with each season, I will keep on calling your name. And until I can touch you again, I won't find any peace... Because that is love.


	10. Goodbye Christmas(Chinese version)

**EXO-L POV**

There is only so much one can do against themselves. We all have to face problems, problems that come to us like nails scattered on a dusty road. Some are big so you have to work your way around them while others are small like a nut that you can toss away. Then, you encounter a few that escape the eye until they pierce open your skin. It's hard to pull them out and the scars have you carry the pain around. But the worst of them all are those nails that get stuck deep enough that you can no longer even see them. The skin heals around the wound and from time to time, it scrapes you from within. But it is a part of you now, one you have to live with. You get so used to it that solving the problem and parting ways would leave behind a sense of emptiness. So even if you find a solution, it wouldn't be enough.

I stare forward at the trace of my footsteps into the heavy snow. It stretches away into a thin line until it disappears towards the horizon. This is from where I came but within hours, I know that it will all disappear and I will be lost again.

One cannot remember all the battles they have fought. But if the scar of defeat is deep enough, it shall be remembered till the very last breath.

Tomorrow, I shall be lost again, in this wild world that knows me not. But tonight, in this very town that has seen me rise, fall, blossom and wither, I am filled with a nostalgic sense of belonging. The people and the lights, the scent and the ruckus of sounds... all of it reminds me of a time that no longer exists. But, even if I should not be here, my feet led me to it.

It does not take long for me to reach the street corner in which we shared our very first kiss. The fragrance of coffee invades my senses as I stop right there, bathing in the light of the coffee shop on my left. It was a magical moment and it comes to me like clear water. The warmth of your skin against mine, the beat of my heart, the sparks around us... But this town is too packed and it carries me away.

Wherever I look, memories of the past wash over me. I partially forget the time and place as if I was trapped. How can it be that all these feelings are still here? How ironical that one small mistake can awaken all the things you've been running from...

_It's pointless._

The walk to our house is long but the journey feels too short to me. I've come here countless times in my dreams, sometimes with you but mostly alone. Everything looks exactly the same, from the white door to the blue curtains and the black railings. Even the garden looks exactly the same. But voices pour outside with the light and none of them belongs to you. I'm relieved but at the same time disappointed. There is so much I want to say but I don't know how to face you... or if I should.

_Who will accept you?_

You're out there somewhere, living your life without me. The thought of it strikes my heart and fills it with pain.

_Weak_

If I could just see you once-

_Weak_

Just to hear your voice-

_Weak, Weak_

Even if it is just for one moment-

_Weak, weak, weak, weak, weak-_

The sound of laughter pulls me out of my thoughts. I know this laugh, I realize, as I look up.

And there you are, so close yet so far. The first thing that comes to my mind is how beautiful you look, standing in a black coat and wrapped in a red scarf. A simple look that compliments your figure. For a second, I can just see myself there, beside you. But all it takes is a blink to see the tall blonde whose hands are all over you. She wears an expensive looking jacket and high boots that must cost more than my apartment. But what gets to me more is her beautiful face, ocean blue eyes and strawberry lips that capture everyone's attention. I, on the other hand, seem to blend in the shadows with my dull eyes and short brown hair.

_Because you're worthless._

The tears come up almost instantly but I quickly wipe them with the back of my hands. Here you come, the radiance of your smile stealing that of the moon. But I can't let you see me, not like that.

Swiftly, I cross the road and press my back against the wall, careful to be beside the broken street lamp. I could just simply turn my back, walk out of this street, out of this town, out of it all... But instead, I find myself watching you and her.

"So this is your town?" she asks in an overly sweet voice. Everything about her seems too sweet and I want to claw her away from you. But what right do I have to do that?

"Not really," you reply, stopping at the staircase. Your eyes linger on our house a minute too long and I can feel the sadness in your voice. "But I like to think of it as home."

What right do I have to step once more in your life? Who am I to throw away the happiness you finally regained? All I brought you was pain and- and-

_You are a mistake._

So it turns out that you have been well and that, without me, you can still smile. This should not affect me, not when I was the one to walk away, but it does.

_You were never important. Just a bad memory that needs to be forgotten._

This town is still the same. These people are still the same. I know it all... But nothing is as it was, before the tears and the scars, before you learned to hate me. So in this familiar place filled with familiar memories, you and I have become strangers. This is the result of not seeing each other in so long... all we now share is an estranged distance for relationship.

All this time, I've been acting up, lying to myself with everyone breath. I told myself that I was fine, that I had forgotten, knowing that my pierced heart was bleeding underneath all the bandaids. Raina was right but I turned my back on her. I was trapped inside my memories because there was nowhere else to go... Turns out that I was the only one who was in pain.

 _It is better this way. You're not being a burden anymore_.

Yeah, it is better this way... But how pitiful must I look in that white scenery; it really did not take that long for me to be forgotten.


	11. Goodbye Christmas(English version)

EXO-L POV

One of the only sounds of this place is the incessant drip-drip of a broken pipe, somewhere close. I don't know where it comes from exactly but I know it is close; some of it falls on my shoulders and arms, bleeding through my clothes.

I don't know where I am. It's not like things are uncomfortable but they're not that comfortable either. And I don't even know how I got here from home... or where is home, for that matter.

The only thing there is to this room is a round table and a radio. A ray of light from the ceiling falls down on them as if they were in a tube. I, on the other hand, sit crouched in the darkness. I did try to touch the radio and see what happens but the light made me uncomfortable so I decided to stay back.

The other sound is the soft keys of a piano coming from the radio. The melody sounds familiar but I can't really tell why. All I can do is rock my body back and forth, letting the gentle sound soothe my body.

Since I can't really tell how and why I am here, I decided that I must be waiting for something or someone. Surely, after some time, someone will come for me and tell me my purpose. I don't know if I would leave then but I don't know if I would like to either.

I am sitting on marble. Black and white little squares to be precise, arranged just like on the board of a chess game. I've never played chess but I know that it is a game for clever souls. I would not consider myself as clever so I don't think I've ever tried the game.

Where did you go?

I can hear it clearly; the voice. At first, I thought there was someone else in the room with me but since they would not reply back, I decided it must have come from the radio.

It is a nice radio, though I don't think I've ever had one like it. This one looks old and some buttons are missing. I don't think the outside world has any of these now, though I couldn't tell what people are using these days.

I have always liked music, or so I think. Music is a form of art, I believe; used to express one's deepest emotions and connect the people to one another. Some are sad and others are happy, but to either, anyone can easily relate...

Why are you so far away?

I don't know how far away I am but there must be a reason behind it, right? There is always a 'why' behind an event, but not always an answer to it. I have no answer but a lot of questions. But what good does it do to have questions with no one to answer them? It's as futile as having a door without a knob.

But if a question without an answer is futile, why do they come to my mind? And if they come to my mind, how am I to make them go?

I love you.

Love is a natural feeling, made possible due to a lot of factors. There are different types of Love, though the romantic side of it gets often more recognition than the rest. It may sound unfair but so is the human perspective of this emotion. All human beings come to the world with the ability to love, but along the way, some lose part of it. Maybe that's why I am here; because I lost the ability to love.

We ended our time on this night.

Ending things is not easy but neither is restarting them. It is easier to abandon than to repair, for new things last longer than repaired ones. If there is no use in repairing what's broken, then it is better to end it there.

Every memory keeps bringing you back.

Going back is never a good idea. The world is too unstable for them to remain the same, so even if you retrace your steps, you can't fully go back to how things originally were. This is why many people hurt; because they can't let go of what has happened to them. I know that I can't let go of it either-

The radio starts to creak slightly, the sound of the piano completely disappearing. It is surprising how quickly what is not may become. And some things cannot be ignored.

I push myself to my feet, shaking slightly on my noodle like legs. There is nothing wrong with being weak, until being weak is all you have. But since this is exactly who I am, I guess everything is wrong with me.

The button turns smoothly under my fingers, the creak changing tempo from time to time. There is nothing wrong with being broken until all you are is your brokenness.

"EXO-L!"

"Yes?"

"Can you hear me?"

"Yes, I do."

"I miss you."

"Who are you?"

"I used to be the one for you."

"Now?"

"I'm falling down."

"Oh."

It's sad to be falling because falling often leads to scars. But scars in themselves are not bad. If the pain could be avoided then there would be nothing wrong. However, pain cannot be avoided so scars are bad. Yet if people don't go through pain, they will stay weak. So being weak is worth than being in pain. But what happens when being weak equals to being in pain?

"It's too late to say I love you."

"Why?"

"Because you're already gone."

"It's ironical."

"What is?"

"This night! This is where we started and where we ended."

"I am sorry."

"It's your fault if I'm hurting. Why did you go?"

I don't know so I don't answer, but the guilt is there and I don't want to face it. What use is there in facing things when they will never change?

"This is so like you! Cowardly running away!"

"I am?"

"Yes, you are! You are weak, unworthy of every chance you were given. You never appreciate what you had but always paid attention to what was not right in front of you. You had your friends and your family but, instead, you focused your attention on me."

"I didn't forget them!" I shout back, tears falling uncontrollably as I press my hands against the flat surface of the table. Underneath them, the wood is cold and rough, hungrily eating away my tears.

"You did worse; you ignored them!"

Suddenly I am no longer leaning over the table but rather, standing in a purple colored room. Posters and pictures fill the walls, without one spot of blank space in sight and the same music as earlier plays in the background, though this time accompanied by the voice that was shouting.

The door on my right opens and in walks a middle-aged man. His attire is simple, making him look quite ordinary among all those other men scattered around. He is plain but I feel the connection immediately.

"Sweetie, come on! Your cousins only come once in a while, you should play with them."

"No, they said mean things about EXO."

"It's okay. They just don't understand."

"Then I don't have to understand them either."

I watch the pained look on the man's face, clearly trying his best as three little heads pop from the corner. My conflicting interests and personality had always been a cause of drift between the other members of my family but I remember that ever since becoming an EXO-L, my life with them has been nearly dust.

"You were too weak to face them so you hid away like the coward that you are." a now familiar voice whispers in my ear. Goosebumps rise on the back of my neck as arms wrap themselves over my stomach. It feels warm but I am immediately uncomfortable.

The scene changes and now I see a man passed out on a bed, a bottle of beer in hand. There is a newspaper beside him, with his face on the first page under big bold letters, EXO REJECTED BY HIS OWN FAN. The light snore in the room doesn't hide the smeared makeup on his face. He had obviously been crying.

"You did this to me," he says in my head, pressing me tighter to his chest. I am too surprised to move as I feel feather like kisses moving from my shoulders to the spot right under my ear. The air seems stuck in my lungs. "You ran away again and now I'm broken."

"I didn't mean to!"

"But you did and now I can't even be repaired." His teeth are now scraping my skin as his nails bite into my sides. I winced at the pain but do not struggle. Tears now freely race down my cheeks.

"You deserve to be unhappy." a female voice says, from the other side of the room. Her night like hair and deep gaze have me trembling with slight fear.

"Raina, I-"

"You know exactly what you have to do."


	12. Stay

**EXO-L POV**

In my childhood home, my mother used to keep the family album on top of a shelf in the living room. She used to pull it out when family members would visit, blowing hard on the torn cover. Her fingers would firmly grip the sides as she approached everyone, a smile plastered on her face. It seemed to say, "I don't regret it."

I haven't seen the book in years, not since I've decided to leave everything behind and make my own path. Of course, it was not that easy and I surely made many mistakes but now, I feel like I can smile like mom.

Life is confusing, at least to me. What is really our purpose? Do we make our choices or do the choices choose us? How long do we have to fight? When to give up? I certainly had these questions coming again and again at the back of my mind for as long as I can remember.

Every year felt like climbing upstairs to an unknown destination. There is nothing special about it at first since everyone seems to be doing the same as you. So you barely give it any attention and carry on. Yet, after some time, you take note of the ache in your knees and your ragged breaths. Then you ask yourself, was it all really necessary...

Not everyone is born to accomplish great things and live a life that would be carved in the stones of History. Everyone is not a Picasso, a Da Vinci, a Beethoven... or an EXO. Some people are just meant to live the life of a leaf; to be born, to be torn and to fade into oblivion. That's right... Even if I disappear, the world will still go on and people will still chase and hurt each other.

_Just like you hurt me._

Nothing ever changes for the river and the mountains and the sea. I was soil and I shall return to the soil, just like my religion told me _._

_Then, what we had was for nothing?_

It's not like I am hurt about it. I probably actually contributed to my own tragedy... But I do think about the journey. What really comes to mind are the memories, small and bright like petals of the cherry blossom.

No one can say that they have come and walked the world without an ounce of happiness. I am no exception.

_What are you trying to say?_

I was a child of great imagination, fighting monsters on creased paper and behind doors. I had nothing to fear since some heroes were there to help me out when things became too overwhelming. And no matter what, I had the sun shining down on me. With the scars on my arms and legs, I would tilt my head back and look at its crown, smiling because nothing felt wrong.

Then came a time when my princess dresses would get stuck and tear off at the shoulders and so I was forced to move to a new land. There, the monsters were bigger and acted like humans. Still, I would not let them eat me as I stormed through the forest and jumped into lakes. My laughter would echo in the empty space, joined by others. Yes, I had learned to not get scared of the little bugs hiding in the grass.

It was a blast and even if everyone left once the rain came, I did not feel bad. You would ask me why. The answer is actually already in your mind; that's about when I met him.

 _"So it was then?"_ I hear on my side.

"You came," I remark, still refusing to pull away from the crook of my arm. And he laughs, his voice brushing past me like a winter breeze. It stings a bit but left some kind of aching; I had missed it.

"You bet I'd let you leave without a word," he replies though I had never meant it as a question. There is a pause, one that pulls us back to places we've been trying to avoid before. I can't ignore the bitterness of his tone... "You didn't really make things easy for me, did you?"

"I'm sorry," I whisper and unconsciously grab at my arm tighter. I don't want to feel guilty. I don't want to have regrets. I just want to leave with a smile, even if no one is there to see it.

"I called quite a lot, you know."

And I heard the echo of his voice all the time. The temptation was strong, too strong in fact. If the lock had not been on the other side of the door, I would have probably run back to him. Maybe it turned out for the best.

"I wanted to see you."

So did I. But it won't make sense for me to say it now.

"Everyday I yearned to see you, wishing for the door to open. I should have just stayed back today. After everything-"

"I'm happy to see you."

"But I'm not." He cut in, the fire in his voice unforgiving. It burns deep into me but I guess it was to be expected. "I waited for so long, pounding on that door. I filled myself with fake hope until I started wondering what was true. And- And the day I finally get to see you, it's to say goodbye! You won't even look at me!"

There was something in his voice, something strong enough to stir in me a sense of restlessness. I feel the cracks of my soul widen with it, unable to bear the pressure. Finally, I look up.

The sky stretches ahead, from above and below. It reflected in the clear water; a cloud-filled sky during summer. The rain threatens but not a drop falls. How long has it been?

It goes on endlessly until a think black line appears. But I've never been farther than my seat on the ground. And in this endless world, _he_ stands in front of me.

His face is just as I remember it, eyes sparkling like stars and not a single thing to criticize. Perfection personified in front of me because indeed, he was my perfection. The sight is as painful as it is beautiful and I can feel the tears coming up.

There is not a smile on his face and this hurts more than any kind of torture. His gaze lingers on my face but it does not seem like he is happy with what he sees. The tips of his eyebrows pull together, awakening cliffs and rivers on his forehead. Finally, the tension is just too much and he settles instead with glaring at the black butterflies that surround me, keeping me tied to it all.

"I can't believe you say you don't love me anymore. I spent so much time trying to stay afloat, fighting with every bone in my body, just so you turn your eyes away from _us_. How cruel of you! All the dreams and promises... I held onto them but now you say that it was all a bad dream, a tragedy of the universe. How could you do that to me? How could you look me in the eye and tell me that your love is no more? You kept lying to my face but I let it be. I spent all this time refusing to believe it, to erase it. I kept the promise because I knew- I knew that it was just wrong. I swam against the current, let the waves drown me and let the memories cut me. But all you've done was hide! You hid yourself and forced me to do the same. And now what? What? Tell me what!"

He is crying and so am I. Little by little, the water rises to my knees and the butterflies move with it. There is nothing else I can do but let the tears flow. No matter what I say, the pain won't go, the memories won't go and the guilt won't fade.

"We're strangers now!" he yells, the sound making the water ripple all over. It makes me shake, from the tip of my head to the bottom of my toes. "The deeper I fell, the more you faded away like a mirage! I was scared! I wanted to beg you to stay but it was already too late! They said that someday it would all get better but-"

He doesn't have to complete the sentence. I've known it all along; I've let everything crumble to pieces and now, there is no way we can go back to how it was.

But he is crying and it makes my heart ache. I've put to waste so much of what we had, doing what felt right then... But it never meant I was completely okay with them.

I raise my hand up and he takes it immediately. One pull is enough to set the butterflies flying and make me stand up. His skin is warm against mine and the need to pull closer ignites in me. I can almost taste it on my lips; his warm breath and the softness of his every kiss. I can picture it in my head and I want to live it again.

Unconsciously I move closer, as if my mind has lost all sense of rationality and is only obeying to its instincts. I grip his hand tighter and his eyes glisten in realisation. Soon, only a breath separates us. Anticipation has me shaking all over. And since long, I finally hear my heart.

But the next time I blink, his face looks out of reach and I am falling, falling among the black butterflies. Where will I end up? Will I ever see him again?

The answer was already decided a long time ago...


	13. Goodnight

There was no sound around Marie, a void of nothingness with no beginning or end. Quite similar to a black hole, she thought. And, in it, danced the butterflies. 

They slipped in from a navy blue door that gave onto a maze of little screens and on them, she recognized her memories. There was her first time at the zoo, the day she dropped ice cream all over her birthday dress, her father teaching her how to ride a bicycle... It had been too overwhelming so she returned. Seeing her past now would be pointless; Raina's plan had already begun after all. Why was the door still open then?

"What are you doing here?" asked a little voice, taking her by surprise. It belonged to a little girl, standing on the opposite side of the gap. A little white dress stained with chocolate stains. She was glowing, not from the sparkling beads of her attire but from something else. It was nothing like Marie had seen before; as crazy as it sounds, the light looked like it was emanating from within her. And that seemed to be driving the butterflies away. "Why are you here? Will you eat us too?"

"Eat you?"

"Then, will you help him? He is fading faster than us."

"Who is he?"

"Suho oppa."

The name rung a bell in Mary's head but she could not pinpoint why or how. It was like singing the lyrics to a song whose title you can't remember. Just like that, she knew that, whoever he was, was important to her.

"Where is he right now?"

"In the youth department. But we can't reach him. You can."

"I can?"

"Yes. You're the only one who can," she said and the door creaked a little right after as if to highlight the severity of the situation. Various thoughts invaded Marie's mind but it was her heart, suddenly pounding at her ribs, that had her getting up. Immediately the butterflies rushed to her, creating a barrier, and she screeched, shocked.

"Take my hand." said the girl immediately, opening the door wider. "Hurry!"

Marie did not give herself a moment to think and blindly pushed her hand forward, letting the girl find her. A long second of uncertainty and fear that lost itself the moment warmth spread through her. And at that moment, she realized who the little girl was. It felt like a miracle; the butterflies instantly scattering away. But not too far away, wings buzzing menacingly against the walls instead.

"Let's go."

And so they went, entering the maze of her memories. One road led to another and another, a never-ending cycle where footsteps easily blend with one another.

Marie hung her head low as she walked, counting the steps in her head. One, two three... The numbers went in her head. All of this was a part of her, even the girl with her face. She could understand that as she walked, feeling the energy of her emotions pouring from the screens. The anger, regret, joy, loneliness... The events that had made her, her. But all she felt now was sadness and doubt... How to explain it? The more she saw them, the more she asked herself whether she had taken the right decision. After all, there is nothing more frightening than facing the deepest part of yourself, watching the crude reality of your choices and actions after running away from it all.

So they walked, hand in hand, with the butterflies watching. And with them, other people watched too. Marie could sense their presence in the dark, eyes peeping at her through the shadows. And their silent voices drowned her in regrets, though she could not really tell what she was supposed to repent for.

"They're scared." explained the little girl, hurrying her steps. "We all are."

"Why?"

"It might be the end."

She suddenly pulled to a stop, index pointing at a screen far ahead. At first glance, nothing seemed odd about it but for the occasional wavering image. In it, Marie could see the moon, in all its elegance, shining through a window. It was an exquisite sight cursed with a touch of tragedy; it brought tears to her eyes. Nothing could have prepared her though for what she was about to see next...

"Suho!"

The name fell past her lips in a whisper and the tears escaped on their own will. Had she not yet awoken from her dream? These memories... Her mind... It all confused her.

"I am sorry. I have to do this." she heard him say in her mind and it no longer felt like she was watching from afar.

His eyes were on hers, a hidden message in the intensity of his gaze. His expression said it all: he was hurting. And as silly as it might sound, she could feel it. Marie wished she could ease away the creases at his eyes, darkening from tiredness and sleeplessness. And the emptiness of his soul, so transparent that she feared it would break at her touch.

"It's okay," she heard herself say, which confused her even more. How did she know Suho so personally and what was he apologizing for? Nothing was making sense... "There is no other choice. I understand it."

The image got momentarily blurry until a hand passed over her eyes. She was crying... Why?

"I tried to find another way. The boys even helped. I swear I did! But-" he was rambling, she knew; trying to fight Time and convince himself that he was making the right choice. It was a lost battle and they both knew it.

"You don't have to explain," she replied, her voice cracking slightly. "I trust you, super leader hyung."

The only thing her attempt at humor did was to encourage his tears. And so he broke down, the man in him giving way to the little boy who usually hid. He cried and cried, letting go of the frustration, anger, and sadness. Never in her life had she seen him cry like this and it broke her too.

"I- I don't want y- you to die."

Six ordinary words that rushed out of his mouth, crushing her to dust. What had he meant? When did that happen? Was that really her memory or did she invent it? Could she-

"I- I don't want t- to lose you. I love you."

"I do-"

Just then, a group of butterfly swarmed over the screen until all Marie could see was a dark rectangle. She yelped in surprise, quickly pulled away by her own self. The latter only frowned at it, as if she had expected it. But before Marie could quench her curiosity, there was a piercing "Help!"

This had her partner react, eyes widening and lips trembling slightly. Her little piggy tails swayed left and right as she searched the surrounding with her eyes. It was like she was expecting a monster to appear from neither. She pushed Marie's back, her little hands weak but determined. "There's no time to waste."

There was another scream and this time she knew exactly whose it was; Suho's. And the next moment, she was running, the screen to screen racing by with her every step. Beads of sweat had dotted her face already and she screamed his name against the wind. Her while being wanted her to slow down but she stubbornly pushed against her limits, all because of a certain feeling in the pit of her heart. She ignored her lungs that were begging for air and her legs that felt like giving away because she didn't one to lose herself. So she searched with all her night and it was only then she realized how the butterflies were covering many of the screens. But why?

"Suho!" she yelled again, growing more anxious "Suho, where are you?"

"Here!"

The answer was faint, barely whisper, but nonetheless, she heard it. And so wasting no time, she ran towards the source. To be able to hear him again... to see him again... it made her hope a little.

She ended up getting more than assure had bargained for. Instead of open arms, a bright smile and sparkling eyes, she found a lifeless man in a pool of blood... Marie felt lightheaded as she went closer.

"Suho?"

He would not respond at first and his broad shoulders, rippling with scarred muscles, sagged awkwardly after every breath. The white shirt he was wearing was torn as if clawed by a ferocious beast. And through the light cloth bled his soul in a deep shade of red. If it were not for his painful groans or the bloody smile he gave her, Marie would have thought him dead.

"F-Finally calling me- argh- m-me b-by my name- Ah!"

His face scrunched up with pain and she hurried to his side. But what could she do? How could she help him? Her hand hesitantly laid on his, pressing tighter once she realized how cold he was. She would not allow herself to think it was the end; she had to do something. On the other hand, he silently watched her with hooded eyes, smiling despite the pain.

"What can I do?" she asked, looking at the open gushes that covered his body. The blood poured out of them like a river and gathered on the ground so quickly that she turned pale. Her mind told her that she had to stop it at all cost before it was too late, but her shaking digits did nothing but make him scream.

"I'm sorry- I don't know what to do!" The tears again let her eyes on their own accord, frustration piling up from being so helpless. His gaze was gentler now and she hated it; he was obviously trying to pacify her. What an irony!

"T-The butterflies." he somehow managed to say. "T-They eating y-your memories of m-me!"

###

(This segment may contain sensible images. Read at your own risks.) 

The old bridge of Sympthome Town was not an unknown place, at least for the young man with moon-like skin. Memories, both good and bad, filled this place even if the rest of the world had somehow forgotten. He himself had been avoiding it for the past two years, which perplexed him even more; why was Marie there?

Junmyeon kicked at the road pebbles, eyes taking in the wild scenery. Winter was on its way again; he could feel it in the air.

His hair was still wet from the late shower and he only had his pajamas on, which was not ideal for a midnight stroll... For over a year now, he had not seen her. To say that he missed her would be a huge understatement; it's just that then it had been the right thing to do.

The moon was full and shone beautifully in the starry sky, just like on that night. How long had it already? He had almost forgotten how painfully beautiful it could be. It's such a waste how you can't appreciate all the wonderful things by your side until it's too late.

The river was gently whispering to the town, telling the people to awaken from their slumber... At this rate, Junmyeon knew that Earth too would be lost.

His feet carried him to the center of the bridge where a young woman intensively stared at the water. She seemed lost in her own world, rendered deaf by voices in her head. He watched her with her wet hair flowing like silk; dark like a cup of coffee once he drew closer. Her skin was too pale and her body too slim, which made him pity her. But it was only when the wind left, with her face appearing, that he finally recognized who it was.

"Marie!"

He was so close and yet she did not hear him. Her once vibrant eyes looked so empty, dull and tired. So different from the Marie he had turned his back on... Junmyeon was taken aback.

"Marie!" he repeated, his tone growing in urgency. "Marie, what happened?" But his words met deaf ears.

He took note of the way she was dripping from head to toe, shivering slightly as a result. Had she fell into the water? Was she okay? So many questions but no answers. He really wanted to take her in his arms.

"Marie, please!" he finally dared, pulling her arm. She turned to him without so much of a change in expression and this terrified him more than anything. He could feel their connection pulsing through his veins, now realizing how faint it was. Something had happened! How had he missed it?

"Marie I swear if-"

But she suddenly pulled out of his grasp, cutting him short. Her steps were heavy as she neared the edge. And before Junmyeon could even utter a word, she was falling.

"Marie!"

There was no time to think; Junmyeon launched himself after her, eyes glowing blue as he called onto the rushing waters. He had to save her!

But instead of rising water ribbons, the river suddenly opened up, light pouring out of what looked like a hole; he had accidentally opened a portal. And there was nothing he could do, once he saw Marie's body disappearing into the light, but to follow her. So... He embraced it.

Not far from the scene flew a black butterfly. It swirled around the hole, flying neither too close nor too far. It stayed around until the light faded and the river regained its shape, all traces of the strange events disappearing. Then the butterfly dashed away, flying across the abandoned land as well as the still awake houses. It flapped its wings against the wind and crossed the forest, not stopping once. And it would not do so till it reached a small cottage, lost in the middle of the woods. There, a small woman sat cross-legged on a floating map, staring forward at the darkness. Her black hair curled at the base of her neck and a silver chain hung over her black dress. If it had not been for the scar running across her left eye, she could have been called beautiful... The days have however changed.

The butterfly gracefully flew towards her, spreading its wings again her tanned skin impatiently. The two were quite an unusual sight under the moonlight, frozen, or so it would seem, for a moment.

"I see."

And this was how it all began... a world without EXO.


	14. Unlocked Chapter

  
  
Name: XXXXX                   
DOB: 09/02/2000             
Gender: Male                  
Age: 07                             
Branch: Ile de France   
Section: K126                

 

**MEDICAL REPORT** **(May 2008):**

 

**Physical Results (Human):** | **Result**  
---|---  
Eyes | Brown, Normal  
Ears | Stabilized  
Teeth | Normal  
Nails | Normal  
Genitals | Normal  
  
 

**Physical Results (Experiment)** |  Result  
---|---  
BMI | 12.5  
HR | 84  
Strength (01-10) | 08  
Sensitivity (01-10) | 06  
Control (01-10) | 02  
Pain Tolerance (01-10) | 04  
Reaction Time (sec) | 02  
  
 

**Supplementary Tests:** |  Result  
---|---  
Physical Response | PASSED  
Emotional Response | PASSED  
Sexual Response | N/A  
Physical Control | FAILED  
Emotional Control | FAILED  
Red Eye Activation | PASSED  
Red Eye Suppression | FAILED  
Low Threat Response | PASSED  
Low Threat Elimination | PASSED  
High Threat Response  | PASSED  
High Threat Elimination | PASSED  
  
 

**EXAMINER'S NOTES** **:**

The sexual response test is bypassed until the age of 18.

A series of unexpected reactions have been noted during the experiment:  
Bleeding Ears, Screaming, Harm to Examiner, Eye Twitch, Biting, Misplaced Laughter.

Decision to ignore above-stated reactions in future experiments, excluding harm to the examiner. Attempts at self-harm or malevolence towards humans are to be immediately interrupted.

Requests to bypass Red Eye Activation Test, Threat Response Tests, and Threat Elimination Tests have been rejected as of 05/02/2008.

Subject has lost consciousness 2 hrs after the experiment. Low HR noted. Red Eye still not suppressed.  
Double dosage of antidote has been administered. Re-fostering date reported.

You are putting at risk both the project and the subject by bypassing all safety measures, Professor XXXXX. A repeat scenario is expected. Please have more trust in your staff.

 

XXXXX XXXXXX  
Examiner 1063


	15. Happy 1 year Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not an update, but a letter

**_December 29th, 2018_ **

_So it appears that it's been a year since I first published this story on AFF and rekindled my bond with writing. Over one year of building a universe far greater than my little hands could handle, if I shall admit._

_Universe Special Gift is, as you know, a result of EXO's 2017 Winter Albums. Merely eight months since I had joined the fandom and already neck-deep in the whole fan thing. It's silly but this story, as full of mistakes and in great need of thorough revision as it is, was an opportunity for me. Not just to relive a dream but to better understand my own self. I've struggled with lack of confidence, writer's block, depression, self-hatred... and enjoyed appreciation, made new encounters, experienced new emotions... A rollercoaster indeed._

_I'm far from the path of great fanfic writers, even less from that of successful writers. But I took a leap of faith into the void that was my dream. I didn't fall on a bed of roses nor did I get wings somehow. Rather, I rolled down a track of pointed stones, lost more than a few drops of blood, before eventually catching hold of a thorny rope. And I still struggle, if the progress of the second story What Is Love is any indication. Yet, I'm somehow satisfied._

_It was a long journey. It is a lonely journey. One well rewarded by the few comments I've received and the increasing number of views. I might not keep up with it regularly but it's a nice feeling, that of knowing that some people out there have read my story. This past year, I've been grateful for that, especially since I know that I've been a little overambitious from the start. At least, my plan to make a story where EXO-L is also the protagonist worked, kind of. It'd be great if I could finish the second and third story though..._

_Anyway, I wanted to write something to celebrate the occasion. Given how I'm deleting almost everything I write though, I dropped the idea. Furthermore, it feels like the story is complete already. I don't want to mess up the harmony any more than I already did. So you shall get this letter in its stead, one which I hope expresses well my gratitude and regret. I'm definitely one of the worse writers out there, but I'm improving. For instance, I wrote a couple of tweetfics on my personal account @exolppower after discovering that I like BaekSoo. I don't know how long it will last though. No one liked it anyhow so I should probably stop. The future shall tell, I guess._

_I won't bore you more than that, fear not. It was getting way too confession-like anyways... I wish everyone a good end of 2018. May 2019 be kind to you. And happy anniversary, if you wish to celebrate._

_Best regards,  
EXOL_Writer_


End file.
